Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
