Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
