I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
