I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
