can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
