the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
