I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
that may or may not have been my penis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
