He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
