A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's the barista slut.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
