Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
