You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
