You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
