I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
