we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
