you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
