Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
