Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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