Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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