Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
