Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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