You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
