My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
