What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
