I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
