Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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