There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
