I swear she didn't look like that last week.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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