I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
