Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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