The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
