its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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