somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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