he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
