I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
