Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
