We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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