I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's the barista slut.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
