i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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