I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
