Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everclear isn't food dammit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
