stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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