how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
