Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
