ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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