Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
