My room smells like vodka and shame
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
