Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
