Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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