last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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