just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So much rum. So many feels.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
