Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
