The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
